I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions at the beginning of a new year. Growth and change are daily initiatives and struggles for me. But, and I am sure you sensed a but coming, 2020 is a new decade and in the spirit of the new decade…I decided to make a conscious effort to get better at achieving Brene Brown’s ten guideposts for wholehearted living.
My clients and friends know that I am probably Brene Brown’s biggest fan. I devour everything she publishes and shares, from books to audio books, TED talks, Soulful Sunday clips, Blogs – you name it. Sometimes (on a clear brain day) I can even quote from her work verbatim because it resonates so much with me. So my thinking was “10 guideposts over 10 years”. Quest for the decade – slaying 10 Gremlins (letting go side) and growing the Mogwai (cultivating side). Totally realistic goal!
You may think this a bit of a limp wrist quest and by far too easy.
Goals must be challenging and not only realistic, right? 10 years to achieve only 10 guideposts? Let me tell you, a few of the Gremlins on the “letting go of” side are big, ugly, comfortable and well-rooted. They have been nurtured and fed for years. Some of them have even become my “go to Gremlins” and even served me well in certain struggles. They are used to getting attention and nourishment, so they are not going to leave without some serious effort on my part.
That is why I am starting with practicing some self-compassion by acknowledging that slaying these Gremlins will be an ongoing dance of two steps forward, one step back, one step forward, 2 steps back…a wonky Cha Cha. But self-compassion is not going to be an easy way out. And it is by no means going to become a mantra to get out of the hard work ahead. I am determined to grow the Mogwai on the “cultivating” side without being perfect at it.
Like with most things in life, getting started is tough, but the even harder part is to replace old (bad) habits with new (better) habits. So where to start? I am starting by understanding how each of these Gremlins show up in my body and thoughts. When I am in self-doubt, what does it feel like? Where do I feel it? What is the Gremlin whispering in my ear? I have to become aware when the Gremlin is running the show. And sometimes there is more than one of these little devils in the driver’s seat.
This means I have to examine my body’s responses (hot, cold, heavy, tearful, anxious), my reactions (when I don’t respond but rather knee jerk REACT) and my self-talk. For some of these especially tough Gremlins, I may have to enlist the help of an army. I have to continue to study Brene’s books and other subject matter experts. I will arm myself well. And while all of this is happening in the background, I will gently ban the Gremlin to the naughty chair in the corner and cultivate the Mogwai.
Are you ready to tackle your Gremlins?